2007 Darwin Awards

The 2007 Darwin Awards

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1.

When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2.

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3.

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4.

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5.

An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6.

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7.

Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8.

As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9.

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10.

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your friends and family... unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

*** Remember... They walk among us!!! ***

Roof update

Now i know you are on the edge of your seat about my roof problems, so I thought I would update you, I called the council again today as still no one had got back to me and I have found out they have to organise the scaffold company to come out and repair the damage, funnily enough on saturday of this week they were about five doors down from me.. mmmmm

anyways the target date is the 5th march so hopefully my roof holds out until then if not Im gonna be drookit or roofless...

The Funeral

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession

approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the

first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were

about 200 men walking single file.



The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry

for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"



"My wife's."



"What happened to her?"



The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."



He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"



The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."



A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.



"Can I borrow the dog?"



"Get in line."

my roof

I have taken some video of my roof and the damage that the winds at the start of January did to my house 3 weeks ago on writing this blog, Renfrewshire council have done nothing "granted thy may be busy" but they have not so much as returned my calls or even came out to look at the damage, look just under the chimney and you will see the lead flashing has been cracked as well..

lets hope for our sake its not my bloody chimney..

The Kangadoodle

Here is a wee video of buddie now 1 years old, what a cracker he is and can i also say crackers... well what do you expect from kangadoodles??

The wife

I was down at my mother in laws the other day there and like they do they get the old photos out now normally this is when i go to sleep but i noticed this one and though oh S**t thats me fooked lol now i know where she gets it from, god help me ...

Paisley Web Design

I have now designed my own website and uploaded it last night check out www.paisleywebdesign.co.uk it offers my services such as web design "obvioulsy" hosting, domain name registration, email etc

its a really nice design and was inspired by my picture of tree face out my backdoor lol also as i have also noticed the last few days i had been seeing the same image of a tree on my calendar which is the bbc nature calendar weird but hey thats how marketing works...

check out Paisley Web Design website now.. let me know your thoughts on it??

thanks

Paisley.org.uk Live alive ho

The site is back on at last no thanks to the wonderful world of 1and1 Internet "tubes" well its back on with the show, getting all the pages ready and fit for people to view, I'm looking for some more volunteers to help with the St Mirren football club section "if anyone is interested please click here" it will go a long way to help the development of the website and enrich peoples life's with tales of the saints lol.....

come on what you waiting for??

Call me for help

If you need any com[uter support feel free to give me a call from the UNited States or Canada.

brianmcgui 1-888-MY-ETHER ext. 02534962

Free Open source games

Just found a website that has free open source games, Ive had a wee play of some of them namely wormsux lol cant stop playing it...

http://osswin.sourceforge.net/games.html

a wee joke

Mechanic vs. Pilot

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school
diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some
actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P)
and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.


By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Ten Techs for the digital living room

Just been reading the bbc news page and they were describing the ten tecs for the digital living room.

This idea has always fascinated me and I have been for the last few years always been dabbling in trying to make my house more techie so to speak..

the first thing they say to get is a home server and low and behold I have one .. in fact the Buffalo link station they are talking about, its great as it just sits next to my Buffalo Technology wireless router and happily serves up files, music or video whenevr I need it, alright it only has a 250gb capacity and I did have some teething problems with the first one I had "it crashed loosing all my data I had on it" but the linkstation is always on "although the software it claims that you can access from anywhere, doesnt work"




Also I use remote software to connect to my pc from anywhere I am and can control the pc using this and can even check my security cameras from anywhere, any It consultancy worth their salt will be able to help you get this up and running and this can be essentially an amazing tool for business's everywhere.

Paisley Computer Repair

Got my new website up and running its called Paisley Computer Repair, Paisley Computer Repair is my new baby.

I will be doing home repairs, business call outs, network setup, broadband setup, virus repairs and clean, spyware checks and clean,

you can visit the website at www.paisleycomputerrepair.co.uk or go to www.paisley.org.uk and then click on the link bottom left hand side of the page.

look at my gorgous big boy

Gadgets

Now for anyone who knows me knows that I love gadgets in a big way and i just read on the bbc this comment and now know why I love buying and need to have the newest gadget on show..

"

"It's all about the Scalextric set your mother didn't buy you when you were a child. Now you can buy your own."

The toy shop might have been a disappointment all those years ago, but now you've got your own credit card and you're at the top of your own gift list. And if you really, really want it, you can have it."

from the bbc news Marketing expert at the Henley Management College, David James, http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6276910.stm

Photosynth

this is new technology avilable now isnt this just amazing..

Aye tunes

Can you help me out here???

A bizarre thing happened to me on my way back from work, a big juicy worm dropped right onto my windscreen.

Now how could it have got there?

Well I have a few suggestions, maybe,

It was on holiday and was on its way back aboard a plane and suddenly the door in the plane blew out and sucked the worm right out and it fell to its death onto my windscreen.

Maybe, it is an adrenaline freak and was practicing its jumping skills after climbing up a handy nearby tree.

Maybe, it was messing about with a firework and he got his shirt caught on the rocket and was flung up into the air.

Maybe, it was practicing on his pogo stick and suddenly a gust of wind blew him off it right into me.

Maybe, his wife flung him out and threw him that hard he went so high and because he doesn't have wings he couldn’t avoid the unfortunate events about to hit him square in the face.

Now my wife says a bird picked it up and dropped him but I told her not to be daft, "woman they make up so much mince sometime don’t they.. tch tch "

Anyways could you let me know what you think happened??? Its totally baffling me, just add it to my comments page

Jewish - Italian Prank Call

This is mental, listen right through the girls mum and dad are mental..



Jewish Girl Prank Calls Her Parents - Watch more free videos

Grant Caught with his pants down

here is grant my brother in law last week after the beer festival, shocking isnt it...

i know whwre is his pint glass???

My Mate Scotso

Just in case no one has seen scotso here is a cracking close up of him spotted by a keen scotso enthusiast last weekend, well done to you for spotting him before he shaved..

Happy Star Wars Day

May the 4th be with you...

Paulo Nutini

Me, the wife and a few others including scottso, sarah and christine...and her two friends all went to the Carling Academy tonight to watch Paulo Nutini and he was brilliant..

Paulo's voice is great and we all thouroughly enjoyed ourselves, we did hear that he was always pished when he was singing but i think it is all part of the act, but what an act it was...

its great to see people from close to you doing so well, me and scotso were stood next to his sister and her friends all night who were thouroughly enjoying themselves too..

Carling academy was a great wee venue as well nice and close and the sound was great..

well done Paulo, Paisley is proud of you...

he is also featured on my website

http://www.paisley.org.uk/famous_people/paolo_nutini.php

or you can read more on his website http://www.paolonutini.com/

St MIrren FC

Took Junior squiro to Love street last night to watch this seasons crunch relegation decider "well it could be" between dunfermiline and St Mirren.

Well one word to describe St Mirren DREADFUL

there was no heart, no skill and the 10 and a half thousand fans that turned up to cheer on the saints were no better, i was talking to one guy who said this was the best atmosphere he ever seen at love street, well i can tell you that he was talking crap, i used to be a loyal saints fan in the 80's and we had a lot better nights and were a lot more supportive than those guys last night.

Now i cant really blame the fans as there really was nothing to cheer about and maybe the nerves were more to do with the fans not being as loud as they should have.

I really hope St Mirren can survive in the top flight this year as I have a soft spot for them and Paisley needs a team that is doing well, if Paisley is doing well usually St Mirren are doing well too, both go hand in hand as far as im concerned.

I just wish there was some passion and heart from the St Mirren players and gave the fans something to shout about and for the packed crowd that was there last night if they won or at least tried they would maybe have won some new fans, but now most of the crowd have though exactly how i am thinking right now.. Total Sh**e

Amazing video

this guy has serious balls, great video

Annoying Devil

I have put some videos on here from my favourite show balls of steel, fantastic

here is another of my fav's the annoying devil

http://dumbfunny.com/163_The-annoying-devil-strikes-again.html

fantastic

Ive got a hole in my head and my brain is leaking

Last night my wife had a gruesome job to do "and she loved it" what was it you ask??

I have had a sebaceous cyst on my head for more than a year now, the doctor says dont worry about it, but it was getting bigger all the time so sometimes it was quite uncomftorble especially when it started talking back to me.....

over the last few weeks it had started to become infected and im sure that my health suffered at the same time.

so my wife has a very strange habbit of squeezing spots "she is in the beauty industry" and was loving every minute of squeezing the goo from my head, and all of a sudden a big white sack popped out of my head yeugh horrible.

It looked like a small ball of wax shaped like a pea with a small root on the end. today i feel pretty good and my head is actually flat.

anyways i thought i should share this with you, hope your having your breakfast at the same time he he ...

Jelly Jumper

this is a great wee game, very addictive and great fun

http://www.gamenet.com/jellyjumper/

I feel pretty

I have been messing about with my new toy, sony vegas 7 video editing package

i used Scott D as my testbed with a small sample footage.. i think it came out pretty good, dont like how youtube has compressed the file though

here we are:

1and1 internet technical support dont give a dam

This is my recent email to 1and1.co.uk technical support, who over the last few weeks have been driving me crazy, I am on the verge of F*****g going mental with them.

In my opinion they dont listen and dont want to I only have three servers and an exchange account with them, a lot for some but for these guys I am little and not to be seen nor heard as long as I pay them my money they dont care..

If anyone is thinking of going with 1and1 dedicated servers DONT the servers are good but these guys support is shocking.

anyway here we go
-------

Sometimes the way that you treat your customers is verging on the diabolical

Tonight I have a problem with email not being delivered from my root server, so I try the usual, reboot the server – restart the services – see if there is a mail blockage etc but nope nothing out of the ordinary.

So I decide to phone your support which at 2100 hours UK time goes through to the US

My problem is that I can send mail from one server to another and also to my exchange account “internally in 1and1” but no mail is arriving at any outside email i.e yahoo, hotmail, any other domain name etc..


I explain this to the support personnel, who says its not our problem it must be with your server “now this happens a lot when I speak to one of you guys” now how can it be my server when it is leaving the server to go to another server “no settings have changed since it was last working and it was working well”..

What do we pay our money for every month??? What is the point of you guys if you don’t even want to help?

I run an IT support company and when a client says they have a problem I try and find the root of the problem, providing them with a service, not telling them its nothing to do with me…

I have also been passed from pillar to post on my request for the termination of my windows server, now I have said time and time again it does not work for my company’s needs so I would like it shut down “I am quite willing to pay for the contract to be terminated” BUT NO ONE LISTENS…

What is happening am I just small fry and you don’t want to waste your valuable time on me??? For a good few years I had passed my compliments onto many a person who now have servers with you guys, but this will be stopping from now on and I will be saying what a dam shambles you guys are, you don’t listen and you don’t answer any support requests, so why should anyone go with you?? I wonder.

I only have two small problems and want them answered. 1 why are emails not reaching an external source and 2. when can my question on my windows server be answered to a satisfactory result?

I will also be putting this email on my blog, emailing internet journalists and magazines and also trying to generate support for people to stand up to your lack of respect for the small trader, you should be held accountable some way..

As you can see I am raging at what I see is a disgrace.

Regards

Brian McGuire

Law Castle 2007

We went to Law castle www.lawcastle.com a few weekends back for a weekend of hilarity, and as usual i ended up being a total fool... word of note if you ever get the jesters costume out on hire make sure you dont throw yourself on the ground as those bells hurt bad .. and i mean real bad..

How cool is this picture, Marks Face is a picture

Paisley Panda gets friendly with local supporter

if only everyone had tourette syndrom.

http://www.flabber.nl/archief/019039.php

 

I nearly fell of my chair when the woman comes in and calls the other woman a carwash ….

 

Brilliant

 

 

servers

just in case anyone is in here looking to see what has happened to their websites, one of my servers is down at the moment but it will be back up soon, seems that it failed during the night whilst doing a Backup all other servers are funtioning as they should.. so only a limited number of clients will be affected.. so please accept my apology and be assured it will be back online as soon as i can...

Brian

Happy New Year

Sorry for no postings in December its far too busy a month for some me time..

well what has been happening in the world of Squiro... well we have a new arrival, No not the human kind but the dog kind

let me introduce you to my new wee pal "pest" Buddie

He is a Labradoodle a cross between a standard poodle and a labrador, he is supposed to be hyper allargenic and they dont cast as many hairs as normal dogs, his fur is just so soft just like his head, he is crazy lol a right wee bundle of fun...

We had a quiet Christmas "so plenty of time to get some gaming in on my New X box 360" and a quiet new year apart from Hogmany with the weather the wind was dangerous and we had some tiles blown off our roof but with the noise of it happening we thought our roof had fell in it was that bad...

Well its Monday morning and i really should be getting some work done as i have a list the size of my arm to get through "nightmare" so anyways back to normality ... crap isnt it...

All the best

Neds love Spey Avenues new swing park

WOW Terje's first descent

seen this on youtube and what can i say this man has some major balls...

Callum does Bratz

here is Callum doing his Bratz "so good " dance, this was about 1.30 am ..

Campaign for free Wi Fi

The gadget show "my favourite" has started a campaign for free wi fi for all... sign on now

http://gadgetshow.five.tv/campaign/wifi/

Urban Sprinting

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Now i know where the wife gets it from

Now i know where my wife gets it from, here is my wife on a recent visit to the Braes,

what am i going to do with the pair of them???

Mother in law is at it again

oh no thanks to one of my regular visitors they had seen my mother in law out on her own again, this is her down the fountain gardens "she said to her carer that she was away to asda"

Been ill

sorry not been on recently i have had the cold the majority of this week and my head has been banging....

anyways on with the show...

My wee pal

"chelsea picture above with Krusty the Kat"

its been one year since my wee pal, my dog Chelsea was put down for having a tumour in her head right above her nose.

Its strange how sometime you open the front door and look forward to recieveing a great welcome only to be greeted with silence and memories..

now some people might say it's just a dog but she was so much more, a companion, something that listened and understood and her love never faltered for me or my family. devoted to the last...

i miss her.........

me and the duncan man do scissor sistors

http://www.dancesisterdance.com/myvid/index.php?v=e2a730083e2fc

 

funky sista lol

My Desktop

since i am on the subject of my pc here is a snapshot of my desktop

cool wallpapers

I used to look for nice wallpapers when i first started with computers and just had a search for some and every site was full of crap advertising, sign up pages and basically crap wallpapers..

try http://www.tss2000.nl

click on the top of the page wallpapers or themes??

they have loads of resources some nice babe ones too which the wife wont let me put on lol

no seriously there are some crackers worth using on your machine go nice with brico pack

bricopacks

Just got my new laptop the other day there after my other one was sent back to novatech for a new processor, i still didnt have it back after 28 working days so they agreed to send me a new one, roughly along the same specs as my old one...

 

well thanks to paisleycomputercentre.com they managed to get me a cracking machine lovely looking and as fast as....

 

i like to tinker with the whole xp look and feel and have decided to try bricopacks crystal Xp pack its brilliant looking and well worth trying yourself

 

http://www.crystalxp.net/bricopack/en-crystal-clear.htm

 

makes your machine look funky and the good thing about it is it doesnt slow down...

RHA

What a load of crap the whole Renfrewshire Housing Association thing was, some guy decided that we were all going to vote Yes "which is what i did" and everything was in the bag... they spent loads of money telling us that we all should vote yes..

but what did everyone do??

well the majority voted NO!!!! well done honestly im glad it went that way in hindsite as it made a few asses out of people that didnt think people actually cared as one of the guys who telephoned me said .. i think its a win win situation as no one has told me that they would vote NO... ha

remember im not political by any means and nor do i actually understand the reprecusions of what has happened all i know is that a huge amount of cash was wasted and i have a new fridge magnet, and i still have the same roof over my head, just dont have a nice shiny new kitchen thanks to you NO voters lol.... buggers

Deal or no Deal

Blue, Blue, Blue, Blue what am i talking about???

erm i dunno but i was swept away with last weeks visit to Bristol to the deal or no deal audience, it was brilliant.

Very profesionally done and a great wee day too, we went to three shows which will be screened 19th November, 20th november and the 21st

look out for me in the shows im the one with the big willy ..... aye right well its what i keep telling the wife, it seems to make her laugh for some reason or another so i must be a pretty funny guy....

anyways where was i.. oh yes Bristol, great city and very expensive, we met up with some irish guy, a welsh guy an english man "what a combination" and a Jamaican guy... they couldnt understand a word all us Scots said (probably cause we were pished all weekend) but it was a great laugh and something we will probably do again...

remember no deal, blue blue, blue....

nudist trampolining

This one was sent in by lordfitch its another wee time waster game…

 

http://www.nudisttrampolining.com/

 

highly addictive, read the how to play before starting

 

have a nice Monday ;-(

google earth

Just noticed that the new beta version of google earth now has Glasgow done, it used to be all crappy looking bit now its as clear as the Paisley area..

 

www.downloads.com

 

 

yabeauty cmon scotland

Brilliant result for Scotland, what a team "you would never have heard that during berties reign" Scotland beat the frogs 1-0 brilliant..

---

last night we went to the wifes friends aunites suprise 40th birthday, and as usual the budweiser got the better of my senses and made me do my now infamous strip to the waist during the song "from paris to berlin" and everytime it was played my unwilling drunk body raised its naked self on the dance floor, very embarising for my poor wife lol

we then went back to one of the neighbours houses in blackford, and partied till about 5am and i made more of a fool of myself by wrestling with 3- 4 woman on the floor "sounds dirty doesnt it" well it wasnt the floor was clean lol and we all kept our clothes on and the wife was there to make sure they didnt hurt me lol


woke up today at 2pm with a stinking hangover headache, couple of sudafed sure sorted that out...

bubble shooter

Couldn’t get off this one…

 

http://www.tokenarcade.com/play-22-Bubble_Shooter.html

 

 

looks easy to start with but then gets very hard..

 

whack the zombie

http://www.tokenarcade.com/play-540-Whack_The_Dead.html

 

another cracking wee game it’s a bit annoying at times when you click on the ads by mistake..

Mother I Law

I showed the Mother in law her picture on her 50th birthday "below"

do you know what she had to say to that???

I know terrible and i though it was nice to let everyone know it was her birthday... some people

tank game

Hard as anything but fun great for lunchtime’s

 

http://www.miniclip.com/games/tanked-up/en/

The Indian version of Killer

WTF??

50 Today happy birthday Mother in law

Audrey "my mother in law" is FIFTY TODAY so just to say Happy Birthday, "ive already stuck balloons and banners on her door as she wanted no one to know he he ..." I could be cruel and post a picture of her on the web too but im much too kind for that lol

wait a minute no im not here she is ...

New Website

Just done a new website for a local Christian group in Paisley called the Christian Growth Centre they are based in the old Sally army place on Broomlands Street, they are a great bunch of people....

their website is still being populated but here is the address for future reference

www.cgcpaisley.com

Climbing wall

Me and Mark went up to the Braehead Xscape on Sunday to the climbing wall, great stuff.

My arms were killing me after the first ascent up the climbing wall, which is just as oyu walk into Xscape so everyone see's you and stands and watches which is a bit strange as when your up the hills there is nobody to see how stupid you are and look lol

We were having a wee competition to see if i could do ones that Mark couldnt .. and done them easy peasy in your face Logan lol...

we might go back up on tuesday but we will see as its my mother in laws 50th Birthday...

Flash Rider Game

Found this wee gem on the net it’s a cracker had me hooked all lunchtime..

 

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/40255643/

Porn star Name

And the old favourite the porn star name mine is Dicky Peachybutt

try it here

http://www.jasonschock.com/gangsta/porn_name.php

The Birth Defect Name Generator

My Defect's name is Brain Fart the dribble undies.
Take The Birth Defect Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Billy Badboy Whipple

Have you got your trailer trash name yet??

Mine is pretty cool, I think I might change through deed pole

http://www.trailertrashdoll.com/funpark/TrashyName/default.asp

whats your name??

mine is Billy Badboy Whipple

my sons is Wayne Whipple

and my wifes is Jolene Crossbones

nightmare

What a couple of days I have had, all my servers went down and every client called just about at the same time, and then called every hour of most of the day up until the back of 12 last night and the back of 6 this morning…

 

Thank goodness that its all back to normal and I can get some work done.

 

Joe from www.plasterclass.co.uk  is cracking on big time with the loft and I also had some help with my lights from Robert at Signo Lighting www.signo-lighting.com as well as all my materials purchased via Pacific Building www.pacificbuilding.co.uk who saved me a packet so Thanks Brian, its good to have some good help and advice available….

 

Now for some much needed restless sleep…

Websites Update 13.11

all website and email now live...

First Video Blog

RHA - Renfrewshire Council

I received my formal ballot paper through this morning for the transfer of the housing stock from Renfrewshire Council to the new Renfrewshire Housing Association, now I like others have been bombarded by leaflets, dvd’s people chapping your door, telephone calls, you name it its happened..

 

Its all about moving to another private landlord to effect..

 

And it does matter that I have read all the leaflets etc but to be honest wouldn’t things just be the same if I voted No!!?

 

I ask you to think carefully about what and how you vote, don’t just say Yes because that’s what the majority of leaflets say you do, and don’t just say no because some socialist guy says you do

 

Think about it yourself and do vote, but make sure its in your interest and not someone else’s that  motivate your choice…

 

I will be voting Yes, not that the promise of a new kitchen or that my rent will stay low “aye right” Im just happy for it to be moved to the RHA but  they are certainly in for a hard time if they fail us.. I will make sure of that…

 

Headache

Got a massive headache this morning, and awoke to 2 kids screaming and laughing "had my neice stay last night" they 2 are crazy, even worse i have my 2 sisters kids to watch next saturday as the wife and all the wuman "aye i meant to spell it like that" have an Anne Summers party arranged by my wee sister, so they will be talking about Rampant Rabbits and i will be talking about Peter Rabbit ha..

Also I want to take my other wee nephew on the friday night as Ive not seen him much the last few weeks, him and his wee brother "both of them are cute as hell" so next week will be a kid zone in my house, I must be a glutton for punishment lol..

--
had a wee problem with my son this week in school, he kept coming back with a full lunchbox which is not like him as he loves his food especially since their were biscuits in the lunchbox...

anyways every morning before we go to school he has said he didnt want to go and tried kidding on he wasnt well, now obviously this isnt a good sign, so i spoke to his teacher and she said he was always weary of the lunchtime rush with all the kids racing to get to their lunchbox before any other kid, and my poor wee guy being last because he doesnt like crowds especially crowds of kids "who could blame him" anyways i took him down showed him where to put his lunchbox and the classroom assistant helped him at lunchtime.

At the end of the day he was so happy and a big relief from me, so fingers crossed everything is sorted with him, its amazing how such a small thing can be a huge hurdle for such a young person....

new website

I’m doing a new website for a group in Clydebank www.bankietalk.com who do the cassettes for people who are visually impaired or blind, they are quite a special group in such a way as these people give up their spare time to read the newspaper and books etc to record it onto tapes and cds then post them out to the countless numbers of people who rely on their kindness every day to keep in touch with the world through the media…

 

They rely totally on donations and funding, so if you could help them or spare a bit of time get in touch www.bankietalk.com look out for the new website…

deal or no deal

Got my tickets trough to appear in the audience in Bristol at the Deal or no Deal studios next month, my mum is a huge fan so that’s what made me apply for tickets, so I got 4 so a couple of days away which sounds good to me wheyhey..

Paisley Distress

I read in the Paisley distress today about the vandalism of Robert Tanahills grave, how shocking is this that people can do this what kicks do they get out of it?? I wonder, i see it all the time in the paper about people desecrating other peoples graves, is there not any security at cemetries ??? maybe there should be .. we are supposed to be at peace when we die..

what goes around comes around as i say, so hopefully these people have it coming to them...

paulo nutini

Just listened to paulo nutini's album, and i tell you what a talented guy, his album is fantastic a must for any person to listen to and buy.. and the guy is from Paisley too, now when i started the famous people section in paisley.org.uk i only had one or two people in the section, now with young talent coming through like this paisley should be proud once again....


go on Paulo your the man... guid luck

The Ice cream van in Fegie

honest this is the ice cream van that went aboot fegie when i stayed there lol


Scottish Ice Cream Lady - video powered by Metacafe

weekend blues

I love weekends.. I hate Mondays, see I’m just the same as you.

What a day on Saturday, I went down to the doors open day to get some culture, I arranged through the Paisley site to meet anyone wishing to turn up at 2pm in front of the Paisley Abbey “as the previous night we had a kind of chat party on paisley.org.uk it was great fun “

Anyways My pal Scott turned up at the town hall and we decided to have a wander about the Town hall, strange how many doors were open this year, last year they closed off too many parts and it was a shame..

This year however we got a right good look about, some of the back bits of the town hall are very grubby and in need of some good attention but I suppose it comes down to budget…

Off to Paisley Abbey, this is my favourite building of all time.. I love it.. Inside is a relaxing, calming atmosphere and shrouded in great history and is full of stories, one tour guide gave us quite a story about the ornate roof that decorates the far side of the abbey, it’s amazing… if anyone has not been inside paisley abbey get in there it’s great..

Then we decided to indulge in a bit of culture, of course you guessed it, The Bull here we come after sampling some culture in there we noticed the arts centre was next on the list, superb… some more glasses culture in fact than we anticipated…

So we decided to head up towards the museum, yep you guessed it we ended up in Hamish’s hoose www.hamisheshoose.com lol how did we manage that, a that’s right my belly got the better of me and I wanted some smashin steak pie, but unfortunately for me the kitchen was closed…

So it was a change of plan, we had our fill of culture now I wanted steak pie… I know the Wallace lets go there…

A couple of bottles of culture and no steak pie on the menu… Lets go to Café Borgia…

At last steak pie on the menu, and the footballs on the TV, sorted…. Oh and some beautiful barmaids “café Borgia has the best looking barmaids anywhere in the town” the steak pie was great “maybe a bit more gravy would have been better” so we decided to continue with our plan to head towards the museum, yep you guessed it too late… what a shame lol lets go to Russels Uni bar….

After that we head up the road to our two good woman, who kindly agree to let us continue our day of culture and let us head back to the lights of Paisley, to continue our interesting and fun day…

Where did we end up???

Somewhere with plenty of Culture?? Well maybe not

Club Slapper, Vienas, Club 30, Toledo whatever you call it…

Happy days….

Anthony Nolan Trust Update

Got my letter back this morning from the Anthony Nolan Trust and it seems that I am a 95% match for a donor, obviously they have to look for a 100% donor which would be better, but I am a match in any case so it shouldn’t be long before I hear back again for the final testing and then the operation to transplant my stem cells to the recipient, if and when it does happen..

 

Unless of course the 100% match is found…

 

Remember you can help someone today by signing up for the Anthony Nolan Trust to become a bone marrow donor today…

 

Visit http://www.anthonynolan.org.uk/

Death of our troops

It saddens me to hear of more British Soldiers getting killed in conflicts in the middle east, being an X-squaddie myself I know what the colleges of the dead will be feeling right now.

 

We should feel very proud of what those guys are going through right now… Support our troops God knows they need it…

 

dentist

What a washout today is, the weather is rain rain rain.. the clouds are lower than my window lol

 

Took the wee man to school this morning and before that we had a couple of arguments, you know “im not wearing that jacket” “I don’t want that for my lunch” etc so he got to the school gates and burst out crying, well I have never felt so rotten and had to go and pick him up at 3pm to see if he was alright, which of course he was kids get over these things quicker than adults, we will mull over our decision to shout at him for not doing as their told, kids will take it on the chin and get on with it…

 

--

 

Took him to the dentist this afternoon, our dentist is in Foxbar and the dentist himself is spot on, he has things down to a T as you don’t wait, your straight in, seen, fixed and back out… My son thinks he is great and always wants to go “strange isn’t it lol”

 

I have to go all the time as I have one tooth that is a major problem sometimes as it has a swollen area on the gum above it that is infected and where it is, will be a nightmare to fix.. so many a trip to the ol dentist for me …

 

Back to looking at the rain out the window whilst working…

the price of energy

I can’t believe the price of our electricity at the moment, I have a pre payment meter “powercard” and recently my money has been running away, take last night for instance we just had the pc on, the tv and sky box with a  few lights on here and there.

 

I looked at the meter and it said 14pence in credit, well I nearly s*** myself and drove as quick as I could to the local shop and back which is about five minutes round trip, by the time I came back the meter said 04 pence… just made it

 

So basically I had 5.04 pence in my meter at 9pm last night…

 

Now I looked again today at 12pm now no one was in the house all morning and we never had anything on during the night.. we had 3.70 left ??? now where did it go??

 

How are old buddies going to get along this winter, I am seriously worried for them, they will be sitting with the heating off and loads of clothes wrapped around them, and I will tell you something I fear for what will happen to a lot of them…

 

What’s going on, im not really political but this government need to get kicked out and/or get something done… it’s a shambles…

 

Bloody energy crisis…..  

 

Being quiet

Ive been quite quiet this week, not like me im sure you will agree.

Been mostly busy with work driving here to this client and then to the next, hopefully this week will see me have more spare time..

Even had a quiet weekend so far, yesterday i went to the pub with my father in law and brother in law down to the Lord Lounsdale and watched Scotland beat some diddy team "lol" 6-0 the fitba wasnt that great but hey you cant grumble at the score.. well done lads...

Back up the road for about 7pm where we had a full house so we sat for a few more beers before my beers caught up with me about 11pm then i had to go to bed..

Going across to dumbarton today to fix a pc then i will probably have a few more beers when i come back lol

well it is the weekend..

Buachaille Etive Mor

Saturday we left at 5.30am to go scrambling "hillwalking/climbing" up on Buachaille Etive Mor just up at Glen Coe.


I have done this mountain quite a few times but always with the so called tourist route which is fairly easy and a brilliant walk, our proposed route for today was to take us up what is called curved ridge which is a moderate scramble up the face of the mountain.

The day was very wet and miserable, with visibility being very poor so we set off me, the father in law and my cousin up towards curved ridge "see photo" once we got up to the base of the mountain it became clear we could not see the distinguishing feature we were looking for to start the ascent, so we kept walking until we seen something that resembled where we were to start.

We got to a bit which looked right we checked our reference books and also met up with 3 other climbers who were about to do the same climb and they also said that this looked like the start.

Off we went up the scree "loose rocks" towards the first face, we started to climb up "now remember we don't have ropes as its a scramble and no ropes are needed" it was clear that this was going to be a different kind of scramble due to the slippery nature of the rocks, and to make matters worse those little shits the midge's were in mass and biting like mad "nightmare".

We managed to get up the first part alright but it was pretty treacherous and dangerous, but we have done things like this in the past and this was no different to some, we kept going and quickly realised we were not in the correct area, so we decided to keep going until we seen "bear in mind we were in cloud at this point" something that resembled our route.

Up we went higher and higher and at this point we were slipping and finding it really hard to get up the rock face, we all had slips that could have easily have left us to our death "and I'm not kidding" which is when one of our party took a panic attack and his legs went to jelly. I quickly took hold of the situation and calmed him down whilst trying to get him moving across some of the gully and rock we were on, not just so he was safer, but because the bloody midges were having a feast on my eyes.

We continued to go on until one of our guys took another panic attack and freezed on the side of the rock. It was clear that we could not and should not go any further, but a general rule of scrambling or climbing is that what you go up is not really what you should go down as its very hard and very dangerous. But that's what we had to do before we were in real trouble.

Luckily the father in law brought some slings with him, which could help our descent, the other three guys went first and steadily went down with us following.

I tell you it was a nightmare, any little slide and you were gone, and trust me we were all sliding like mad, so we decided to come down mainly on our bums to steady us and be able to see where we were going in places, not the easiest.

Half way down and the Father in law goes over on his ankle and has major problems continuing as he cant put weight on his ankle, we continue slowly down the mountain.

and the last part was a flat wall which we had to use the slings to down climb, because i was experienced and was the only able one i had to climb down first to make sure there were no problems that we should encounter, our first route which i rekied "not sure of the spelling" was a sheer drop so i found another area to go down. it took us a good bit to get down and an hour to get back to the car. i have include a picture to show you our route and believe me where we were was pretty high up and very exposed... nightmare day but one that was thoroughly enjoyable, better than sitting in front of the computer lol

First day at School

It was my wee guys first day at school this morning and how proud are me and the wife, there are no words to say to convey how proud we are of him, he took everything in his stride and looked to be enjoying himself.

 

He has all his nice new clothes on, “all the kids looked very smart indeed” and had his hair all spiked and cut, sorry I can’t post any pictures to show you as I don’t think its appropriate for minors to be put online.. protect the innocent I say..

 

Wont be long before we get the call for me to go up to school to see the teacher because he has been up to some mischief lol time is a ticking…

 

Poor teacher left alone with my son….

 

Anniversary

It was my 2^nd Anniversary yesterday 2 long years lol

 

We have been together now for 11 years and we decided to get married well after our son was born so we were a proper family and not just by common law. We were married in Paisley Abbey had a lovely ceremony and a brilliant day. I couldn’t have met a more grumpier woman If I had tried he he eherm I mean I couldn’t have met a more brilliant woman if I tried.

 

So we had a nice relaxing meal and had a lovely evening, its not the same when things fall on a Monday especially since it was my first day back at work and boy did I have a pile of emails sitting waiting for me, it took me all day to answer them..

 

I am also working on my new website which will supersede squiro online it is www.itresource.org I tried messing with it last year to see how it would work out and it worked a treat..

 

So shortly Squiro Online will grow up and become no more which will be quite sad but it’s a necessary deed..

 

Scottish Weather - Camping

Wednesday 16th: Ahh the Glorious Scottish weather, its sunny at the moment what can i do?? I have a few days off left and i know lets go camping..

One of our friends has all the gear and will lend us everything for me, the wife, the son and our niece to go camping.

Our friend suggests a lovely spot not far from Dunoon "I’m not telling you exactly where its a secret, so if you want to know email me" she gives us sketchy directions so say the least but since i am very good with directions I’m sure i can find the place..

Off we go with a car load of stuff which beggars belief, when i was in the army we had a sleeping bag and a poncho and a spade not forgetting our lovely ration packs.. but Civilian camping you need, seats, a table, washing up stuff which includes a basin, ground sheets, BLOW UP BEDS, sleeping bags, PILLOWS, cool box, night lights, torches, stoves, pots, pans, frying pan, and the list goes on... we also took enough clothes to keep everyone going for a week..

I took 2 pairs of shorts, two t shirts, a pair of boots and something to keep me warm and dry that was it lol

anyways where was i .. oh yes Christine’s directions "named and shamed" go along this road and you will see an entrance into a field next to a stream .. that was it lol

as we got there, there were hundreds of fields, with streams in one out of five Shit....

and as we are in the middle of nowhere our phones don’t work lol

anyways after much driving back and forward to dunoon to get a reception we find the place, right next to the beach, and a fresh water stream and its got the best scenery ever.. well done Christine your off the hook "i might still kill you though just for being daft".

Now have you ever set up a tent without instructions?? no!! Well its not the easiest i can tell you, after much swearing and cursing i get the tent up, get my beers firmly planked into the stream to cool down "the fridge as i called it" we sit down make a fire and chill out for the night, the kids absolutely loved it. The weather was great...

After a good night’s sleep we wake up roasting as the weather is great again, so we decide to get ready and head to Dunoon for a wee drive.

As we get closer to Dunoon we drive straight into a rain storm, what is going on?? SCOTTISH WEATHER, we decide to head back and discover the rains just as bad where we were camped?? how can this be we left it basking in the sun...

Now as i am fetching some firewood i can hear the thunder coming over the hills "what’s that coming over the hill is it a monster, lol" and it was a monster a monster downpour..

what a miserable couple of hours we had huddled in the tent, bloody terrible, then the lighting sounds as if it’s going to strike the tent literally so we clamber in to the car and decide enough is enough, so we de-camp in the middle of a torrential downpour and head home.. bloody rubbish...

BLOODY SCOTTISH WEATHER.... CRAP

The Dash

I’ve been to a lot of Funerals, but there is none more touching than the Humanist ceremonies which actually speak and celebrate the persons life. The guy who does the humanist funerals at Woodside is great, very touching but yet very funny as you hear about how the person spent their life, not going on about some person we have never met and telling us to idolise something we will never see.

 

The reason we are there at the funeral is for that person and that person’s family.

 

There is always a wee poem that he reads out which always touches me and I’m sure everyone else in the chapel, its called the Dash its very emotional.

 

It was sent to me by someone who themselves is having such a torrid time in their life at the moment, so please reflect on the changes you could possibly make once you have seen this small movie.

 

http://www.thedashmovie.com

 

cheers

 

Brian

Hillwalking Beinn Eich

Sunday morning we set off about 7am up towards Luss se could go hill walking with Junior squiro, niece squiro, The wife and her friend... and the father in law who is a very experienced hill walker.

We decided to walk round a horse shoe shaped mountain/hill called Beinn Eich which is about 734 metres above sea level so fairly high. It was a lovely day with the sun beating down quite hard especially so early in the morning.

It was a fairly hard ascent to the top and then a nice leisurely walk around the horse shoe shaped hill. 6 hours later we strolled back into Luss which is a gorgeous wee village just off Ben Lomond had an ice cream and then drove back home.

The 2 kids done brilliant once again and could put most adults to shame with their determination and strength.. well done ;-)

Sealife Centre Loch Lomond

We went to the new Sea life Centre at Loch Lomond Shores http://www.sealifeeurope.com/ on Friday with me the wife, junior squiro, niece squiro and nephew squiro, cost us £22 for the family ticket and went into start our "Journey".

I think your supposed to have a guide but it was pretty busy so we decided to go alone and discover the underwater world alone.

You start off at the ground floor "there are 7 floors" and you see the otter enclosure some fish in the aquarium and some more fish, nice but nothing amazing. Then you are led up to the 2nd floor where there is a lecture about fish "1 video and telly" not so amazing considering the age of the children we had with us, so the next stop was level 6 and the cafe/cinema where we asked the girl who served us, excuse me we came in seen a couple of fish and we got to this point following your directions, she said well that’s basically it..... What £22 and we have seen a couple of otters lol......

Anyways we decided to get the lift back down and came out into an abundance of sea life "the other side of the ground floor aquarium... now your talking it was amazing, touch pools for the kids a massive pool with glass so you could see all sorts of Rays, sharks, cray fish etc etc.. the kids loved it then you seen other pools and aquariums full of allsorts "nemo" seahorses jelly fish crabs, etc etc and then a spectacular underwater tunnel with sharks and fish above you.. now this was worth the money and quite amazing.

thankfully we found our way as at first it looked very disappointing..

i would recommend you visit this if you have the time especially with young kids.. brilliant..
--
We then went to the Loch Lomond shores shopping centre which is really nice, we had a browse about then i decided to take the two older kids on a canoe into the Loch "you can hire them £15 for the hour" the two kids were a bit unsure at first but after five minutes on the open water they loved it...

we then went on a wee train drive around the complex seen millions of midges "local wildlife" and then back to the car.. the kids loved the whole day experience and i would go back again...

lots for the kids to do and for adults alike...

Edinburgh Zoo

Went to the zoo last week with the Family, a nice fun day out, the zoo was busy as, so we had to park a million miles away.

we arrived in the afternoon so all the animals had had their lunch and were all busy trying to hide and sleep so all we seen mainly were trees, lol i kept saying to Juniour squiro "look theres a tree" seriously though Edinburgh zoo is great and it doesnt matter how many times you go its still as good.

here is a picture of me in the mirror. http://www.edinburghzoo.org.uk/

Terrorist Plot

What news we all woke up to this morning, The Terrorist scum are threatining to destroy inoccent lives across the British sky's by blowing up planes en-route to America and with many towns and villages "locherbie" being below the flighpath including Paisley who knows what we could have woken up to if the security forces "well done lads" hadnt found out about it overnight from America.

We should all be vigilant against this threat to society and protect our family's.

It was also good to see Douglas Alexander a local polotician sitting on such a high stage at todays conference with John Reid, Im sure he has done the country proud withhis actions too.

Paisley Active

So much for being on holiday, ive been stuck in front of the machine all day getting my new section Paisley Active up and running for the paisley.org.uk website, I received some donations last week and decided to get things moving on the website, I have always imagined the site to be accesible and functional, well so far its functional "the accesible part will be next" i used to have different sections of software thrown together "im was learning" so people had to log in to this and then to that.

No more anyways i think its great have a look and see what you think, www.paisley.org.uk/active/ its still got a lot to go in but this should be the dogs....

its great when your head isnt getting clogged up with work and you can just get things done...

Its the zoo tomorrow .. the zoo tomorrow .. were all going to the zoo tomorrow la la la... ta dum

DONATE THE EASYWAY

Thanks to Rayleen for this one, this text is taken from Rayleen's website, all for the Anthony Nolan Trust cause.

http://www.rayleenkelly.org.uk/

"Here is not the place to give commercial business a free plug but in this case I am making an exception, Easyjet have a new charity of the year, this year I am delighted to say is the year of Anthony Nolan trust a charity very close to my heart. If you click on the link below you will be taken to the Easyjet webpage charity section where it explains, click on the Anthony Nolan Logo and Easyjet will donate 25p to the Trust at no extra cost to you! SO Donate the Easyway and get click happy!
http://www.easyjet.co.uk/EN/About/charity.html
Spread the word!"

Holidays - Falkirk Wheel

Well started my fortnight off today, thank goodness..

I am just going to spend the time with family travelling around the place and visiting places where you dont normally go or dont have the time to go to normally...

Day 1 we had a right good long lie in and then i decided to go to the falkirk wheel, which due to good fortune we bumped into one of the local boat captains on the way to the Falkirk Wheel visitor centre http://www.thefalkirkwheel.co.uk/ who asked us if we had booked a trip "which we hadnt " so he said he had some room and was going for a wee trip down the canal to lock 16 then back up then up the wheel itself..

a nice relaxing cruise in the Bonny Barge with Billy Mason http://www.sustainable-scotland.com/bonnybarge.htm which was excellent, i took the wife and junior squiro and they thouroughly enjoyed themselves.

The whell itself is a catelever system and is as smooth as anything, you dont even feel as if your moving when its going...

i would recommend you go for a day out and give Billy a wee shout..


Captain Billy Mason "picture taken by Junior squiro"

St Mirren

Top of the league whoo hoo ..

I took my son to his first football game yesterday he is 5 years old and daft about football.. So I thought first game of the season at love street, flag unfurling of the div 1 champs.. Why not...

I used to be a very loyal Saints fan when I was 15,16,17 before I joined the army so I was no stranger to Love street. I gave up supporting them though when David Hay signed Chic Charnley.. boy was that the last straw

Anyways I took Juniour squiro along and he loved it the crowd was great, the football was great and a great result which took the saints to the top of the SPL not bad eh "alright I know there has only been 2 games"

We sat in the Reid Kerr East stand which is family based, the pie and bovril was spot on and the weather was pretty hot so Lewis now wants a St Mirren top and wants to go every week.. Spot on...

So keep it up St Mirren do Paisley proud...

The Anthony Nolan Trust

I have been on the Anthony Nolan Trust list for about a year or so, i registered via the website http://www.anthonynolan.org.uk/ and it was a fairly straight forward exercise, involving a wee trip to the doctors for a blood sample.

I was prompted to do so by a young girl who lived in Bishopton dying of Lukemia and it saddened me to think there was nothing you could do to help, until a heard about the Anthony Nolan Trust Bone marrow stem cell donors that actually can make a difference to peoples lives or saving their lives..

Anyway i dont know if its good news or not, good news that i am suitable but bad news that someone is in dire need...

I am a match for someone and I have started the stage 2 process which involves more blood samples to check for definite that i am a match, and then possibly a trip to London to do the business and give someone a chance of life...

Please register for the Trust by visiting their website http://www.anthonynolan.org.uk/ and help someone "possibly" in the future...


please!

Downtrodden Paisley Toon

read this post by GOMMER spot on i say

http://gommer.blogspot.com/2006/08/paisley-in-herald.html

NTHell

What a nightmare week, due to the incompetent people of NTL. First on Monday afternoon there is a strange noise from my modem then all of a sudden it stops working.

I phone up NTL and they say they cant help me as my account is now the 10mb service so they will have to change my account details and then get an engineer out to fit a new modem. Which will take 3 days ...

now I have never been without the internet for more than a few hours never mind three days..

anyways he arrives checks my existing modem says its alright and sends a text and voila he says its alright...

OH NO IT ISNT

he concedes and fits a new modem... he checks it and says right that's you sorted..

thanks my man... Lets surf..

whoops no internet...

I phone up the ntl number where you get some guy from Newcastle who talks for about an hour before saying whoops this number no longer exists please dial blah blah.. Then the line goes dead,......


arrrrggghhh

phone it again listen for an hour then get through to some technical foreigner who cant bloody understand me.. Anyway I have the wrong pin and I should call customer services

right customer services it is... Automated guy again .. 1 hour later.. Hello welcome to NTHELL how cant I help you...

I answer my name - account - pass - address - date of birth - my last jobee and then he says sorry sir you will have to call back in an hour as we "wish to piss you off some more" are having problems with our systems.. No kidding...

---

1 hour later to the second

right automated guy piss off and let me talk to a human from preferably this country..

I answer all the questions and ask for my pin number to be changed which the guy does, he then says when you put in the disk it will ask you for your pin...

what disk???? I ask

oh you should have received a disk through the post since your a new customer...

arrrggghhh im not a new customer I have been one for years just get me online ya futwit

sorry sir I will send you through the disk it should arrive with you within 3 to 4 days ...

aaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhh

I hang up and borrow a neighbours disk and then it gives me error after error.. bloody NThell I hate them, I hate them, I hate them,

anyways since I am an IT genius I thought I would share this info with you and show you that sometimes or more the case most times its not your fault but the Futwits at NTHELL


if you can make a choice "which I cant because its the only cable provider" then I suggest going with someone else and done let NTHell darken your door...

but im back online thanks to my superior genius lol