A wee joke

A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn.
The Gamekeeper shouts,

'Dinnae drink thon waater! It's foo ae coo's keech an' pish!'

The man replies,

'My Good fellow, I'm English. Could you repeat that in English for me.'

The game keeper replies,

'I said, use two hands - you get more that way!!!'

Buddie the labradoodle

My Dog Buddie and the feilds outside my house
Originally uploaded by paisleyorguk

Look at my wee boy posin ootside in the sunshine "well foggy really" he was a wee bit exited aboot getting his phot taken lol

the knob

A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.

Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. 'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'

The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'

She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.'

For scott

This is for my mucket scoot..

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12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator:
"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"



2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator:
"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."



3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator:
"This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."



4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977:
"Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."



5. US PGA Commentator:
"One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold> > Palmer] is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them..... Oh my god!! What have I just said??"



6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said:
"You'd eat beaver if you could get it."



7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!



8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:
"Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday."



9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."


10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:
"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.."



11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:
"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."



12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:
"Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

Frozen Grand Central

Maybe we should try this in gilmour street station lol..

kickapps test